Dear Hangers On

To the people still on my mind:

  1. To the family who doesn’t show:  Thank you for giving me the opportunity to see who’s really important to me.  When you failed to come, they didn’t.  And when they are missing and you are there… I fixate on their absence.  You gave me the chance to choose a better family- one who loves me not because there is an antiquated obligation, but because they know me, and genuinely like me.
  2. To the family who do show up:  I love you.  You’ve been there at the greatest and worst moments in my life.  We’ve laughed at funerals, cried on beaches, drank A LOT of tequilla and eaten even more taquitos.  You know me better than anyone, projectile vomiting and all- and I could not have found a better group of people to claim me.
  3. To the boys who didn’t want to date me:  I’m still not a huge fan of you.  But I’m over it.  It’s a lot more fun to hang out with people who like you.
  4. To the boy who poured his heart out and I didn’t sleep with: Life is funny, isn’t it?  I’m sorry we drifted apart… we should still be friends.  But I’m still not going to sleep with you.
  5. To the girl who calls me fat: Go eat a hamburger.  Seriously.  I’d rather carry an extra 5 pounds and be happy eating what I want, than to starve like you.
  6. To the boy who calls me fat: Go f**k yourself.  Did you really just say that to a girl in size 4-6 jeans?
  7. To the IT department at work: Thanks for dealing the the other people, so I don’t have to… I couldn’t describe the power switch as many times a day as you.  But know this: I already tried jiggling the cord and turning it on and off.  Next flow chart step, please.
  8. To the men who banned real sudafed in our state: Ugg… I understand, but I hate you all the same.
  9. To the mentors who set me right:  Thank you.  I’ve never had a hard time having good people around me when I needed them, and I am so greatful you answered my questions, set me straight, and helped me grow.
  10. To my boss: If you understood what I did, you might understand me a little better.  Also, we have the same Google.

XOXO Sarah Mae

PS- Idea blatantly stolen from Thought Catalog’s Maria Aeliya

I’ve committed to writing 30 letters in 30 days, according to the 30 Day Letter Challenge.  To learn more about my project, check out my introduction.

Dear Ex

I want you to know I don’t hate you.  I’m not angry, or sad, or even disappointed anymore.  I understand your choices, and I appreciate that you made them when you did- because I was too in love to see the truth of the situation.

We would have never been happier than those months before.  There was no more up.  You wanted to be young, free, play the games you hadn’t yet- and I already had.  You will forever want to be an explorer- a reverse Columbus, adventuring East.  But I’ve seen the world, and while it’s fun to travel and trek, the place I truely want to be is home.  I can build a home anywhere- you taught me that- as long as the person next to me wants to be there too.

I owe you thanks for that, and so many other things.  Thanks for four years of a well spent youth.  Happiness, adventures, life lessons, friends.  An unabashedly enthusiastic family, a place to fly my geek flag, the chance to fail.  Thank you for the stories, and the love and the opportunity to learn just what I needed for me.

I’m sorry that we haven’t been better friends the last few years- but I’m glad I still get to call you a friend.  Call next time you’re in town.  We’ll shoot the breeze.

And maybe some tequila.

XOXO Sarah Mae

I’ve committed to writing 30 letters in 30 days, according to the 30 Day Letter Challenge.  To learn more about my project, check out my introduction.

Dear Strangers

You don’t know me yet.  You might know my name, my hair colour, that I don’t like apple pie and salmon (I know, I know- how can I be a genuine PNW Girl?).  You’ve heard that I am patient, that I am kind, that I know which fork to use at the fancy restaurant, but you don’t know me, and you don’t know about me. (That’s a picture of me, up there, just in case you haven’t seen).

That’s okay.

You’ll learn me, and I’ll learn you, and we might become family some day.  But today is not that day.  Today we are strangers, living separate lives in separate cities, held together by a single middleman who is at best an unreliable narrator, and at worst, a love sick pup with rainbows and unicorns in his eyes.

I want you to know I don’t want to hurt him- even if I end up doing it.  I want you to know that if it happens it wasn’t malicious; I’ll only make choices that are the best I can for the both of us.  I want you to know that I want to make this work- not just with him, but you too- because he loved you long before he knew me, and I respect that.  That I want you to like me, but if you don’t, and it is everything we can do to force smiles in group photos and exchange Christmas cards, then that’s okay.  I will make your favorite dessert when you come over, to smooth things over, even when nothings ruffled.  I want you to know there are others that came before you, and that I love them still, but I am not afraid to love you too.  I want you to know that I don’t expect  you to warm to my family as quickly as I do yours- they’re a wild bunch, and part of the grace of you is a small escape from them.  l want you to know that I am here.  That you can call me.  That I will answer questions, even if they are awkward and cause us both to blush.  I will That few things offend me, but making him the middleman will drive me crazy.

And most of all, I want you to know me.

So here I am, at your disposal.

XOXO Sarah Mae

I’ve committed to writing 30 letters in 30 days, according to the 30 Day Letter Challenge.  To learn more about my project, check out my introduction.

Dear Boy

There are a million things I could say to you.  A million words to write.  A thousand thoughts that could be shared and laughed at, but really, I’m just happy.  Shockingly, sickeningly happy.  And for now, that, and a home cooked meal, is more than enough.

XOXO Sarah Mae

PS- I spilled coffee in my car again.  Don’t hate me 😉

I’ve committed to writing 30 letters in 30 days, according to the 30 Day Letter Challenge.  To learn more about my project, check out my introduction.

Single Girl Questions

If I drink my whisky straight will you think I’m too hard nosed in blue jeans?  Or will a skirt do to allay those fears?  If I use my fork and knife correctly am I too pretentious and unAmerican?  Will the heels that push me past 6 foot emasculate you?  Will eating carbs look fat?  Does my a** look fat in these pants?  Can I wear pants on the first date?  The second date?  The third date?  When can I wear a baseball hat?  Does having a condom make me look fast?  Or prepared?  Does the fact I don’t belong to a political party make me seem disengaged?  Or smart?  Is it okay that sometimes I am disengaged?  Does my English degree seem too girly?  Are my boots too masculine?  How much eyeliner is too much?  How little is too little?  Can we just eat in a nice resturant- is that too much to ask?  And can it have napkins and silverware, and not wheels underneath it?  Can you hold my hand?  Can I hold yours?  Can you not kiss me on the first date?  Can I kiss you on the first date?  Where is this going if you have a cat and I’m allergic?  Do you mind that I hate my job?  Do you mind if I actually like to shop?  Am I too much of a princess to want to stand in the rain to see a bad movie?  Could you put your phone down?  Is my phone really something you can judge me by?  Did you just stick your fingers in your water glass?  Do we have to see the romantic comdey?  Can I talk about super heros without being too much of a dork?  Can I hide my dorkiness forever- no wait- can you live with this level of dorkiness?

Because that is the real question…


May 2014: Start Up

What I hope to do: May 2014

Miami Cove, Tillamook Bay, Oregon Coast (c) S.M. Lennox

Things to Read:

Things to Watch:

  • (live) Game of Thrones: Season 4 (Television- HBO)
  • (liveThe Autobiography of Jane Eyre (YouTube webseries- 2014)
  • (live) 19 Kids and Counting (Television- TLC)
  • (live) The Little Couple (Television- TLC)
  • (rewatch) The Lizzie Bennett Diaries (YouTube webseries on DVD- 2013)
  • The Monuments Men (Film- 2014)
  • Austenland (Film- 2013)
  • Catching Fire (Film- 2013)

Things to Blog:

  • Reflections on Lent (from a never Catholic)
  • Weddings and Brides and the Women Who Love Me
  • Internet Dating (and Why I Try It)
  • The Ethical Meat Eater
  • Reviews: Books, Films, Television

Major Events to Come:

  • Rest.  Sleep.  More Rest.
  • Catching up on Blogs (and back-blogs)
  • Start Classics Challenge (I said this a while ago, but still haven’t done it)
  • MaeDay Geek Life
  • MaeDay Mailbox
  • MaeDay Life’s very First Give Away!

W is for Watching You

Watching You

Watching you watch me
I begin to see myself differently
the way you might
the stranger on a first date
noticing clean finger nails
cut short for safety
and the way my smile
lilts just a little to the right
the way I bit the inside of my lip
how I say ‘um’ and ‘uh’ too much
then swing my hands out wide while talking
too close to the second glass of wine
for the comfort of a stranger
unaccustomed to my level of klutz
I rake my fingers through long hair
the colour of roasted filberts
and smile when you know what those are
while we talk about my favorite spots that you just found
and my eyes go soft for the thought
it makes me understand
the girl I am today
not broken by the past
at least that you can see
smart, intelligent, a little pretty maybe
funny if you get the quick wit of literary reference
and the truth of a girl
I didnt know.

For the month of April I’ve committed to writing 26 poems, falling into the Alphabet.  To learn more about my project, check out my introduction.  To learn more about the A-to-Z Challenge visit